Skip to main content

World War Dragonball Z

--a draft of a comicbook parody--

[page 1]

[The background for the comic is a vague or abstracted cityscape.]

NARRATION: The zombie apocalypse is upon us. Outbreaks have broken out across the globe. Can Goku, Vegeta, and Brad Pitt stop the flesh eating cannibals? Find out in... World War Dragonball Z!

[In a wide panel, we see a mass of ZOMBIES shambling towards three figures at a distance. We zoom in separately on the encroaching undead and their opponents: GOKU, VEGETA, and BRAD PITT. The Saiyans are loudly powering up, the ZOMBIES are mindlessly moaning, and BRAD PITT is looking cool. We switch between the groups, with a closer view each time. The panels alternating between moaning zombies and shouting Saiyans are repeated two to four times, depending on layout and space concerns. We end with an extreme close-up (perhaps just a shot of an open mouth) from each group. This dialogue, such as it is, must be prominent, and may even break out of the top or bottom of the panel (preferably as a panel-wide sound effect, without the use of word balloons--other dialogue in comic should probably stay in balloons, however).]

ZOMBIES: Uuuuuuh.
GOKU & VEGETA: Haaaaah!

[/loop]

BRAD PITT: [running away] Aaaaah!

NARRATION: It turns out Brad Pitt is only human. But the Saiyans are aliens. Can they handle the zombie horde on their own? You won't find out next time on World War Dragonball Zeeee!

[/page 1]

[page 2]

NARRATION: Zombies have overrun civilization! While Brad Pitt seeks safety, Goku and Vegeta face the threat head on in the face in today's episode of Wold War Dragonball Z!

[We see Brad Pitt sprinting down a road, possibly in a park. The background is again vague or abstracted (except for the tree). He stops, surprised to see BULMA standing by a tree, searching for something.]

BULMA: Oh, I can't find my hairpin. Stupid world crisis.
BRAD PITT: Lady, there are actual monsters coming this way.
BULMA: [still looking (probably the same panel)]  I've faced tougher problems than this. [A ZOMBIE lunges from off panel, which BULMA absentmindedly swats over the head with a wrench.] I won't let these things get in the way of fashion.
BRAD PITT: [grabbing BULMA's arm; urgently] We need to go.

[BULMA looks up, sees who she is dealing with, and her eyes become cartoon hearts.]

[We cut back to GOKU & VEGETA powering up as a mass of (slightly closer) moaning zombies approach.]

ZOMBIES: Uuuuhhhh.
GOKU & VEGETA: Haaaaahhhh!

NARRATION: Can the Saiyans power up before the zombies attack? Will Bulma forget about her hairpin? Tune in to the next exciting episode of World War Dragonball Zeee!

[/page 2]

[page 3]

NARRATION: While society crumbles, Brad Pitt decides retreat is an excellent strategy, Bulma finds a new crush, and Goku and Vegeta prepare to fight. Who will win World War Dragonball Z?

[The ZOMBIES are nearly upon GOKU & VEGETA, whose auras are now glowing. The ZOMBIES are still shambling; VEGGETA is still crouched in a charging pose; but GOKU has assumed a thoughtful look.]

GOKU: We have so much in common.
VEGETA: [equal parts shock and anger; still in charging pose] Kakarot! These beasts are beneath us!
GOKU: [with a wide-armed gesture] But can't we be friends?
VEGETA: [angrier] No!

[A ZOMBIE bites GOKU's arm with a 'chomp'. GOKU and VEGETA are surprised and dismayed, but the ZOMBIE's teeth break or fall out.]

GOKU: [scratching the back of his head while tossing TOOTHLESS ZOMBIE away] Huh.
VEGETA: [grinning while blasting several zombies away] Weaklings!
GOKU: [relieved] Ha, ha! I guess we overestimated the threat these guys posed.

[Cut back to a distressed BRAD PITT running from a pack of ZOMBIES, with BULMA attached to his arm. BULMA still has hearts for eyes, or else has hearts flitting about her head. She is practically floating alongside BRAD PITT. Space permitting, BULMA may hit another zombie over the head with her wrench. This part may be split off into a splash page, or condensed into a couple small panels.]

BRAD PITT: Lady, let go. I'm married in the movie and real life!
BULMA: You're into commitment. That is so dreamy.
BRAD PITT: I shoulda stayed with those constipated guys.

NARRATION: Next time, Brad Pitt and Bulma make their escape, Goku and Vegeta live the carefree lives of badass martial artists with impunity thanks to immunity, and your authors wrestle with pacing and budgetary problems. Tune in to an unforgettable because nonexistent episode of World War Dragonball Zeee!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

More Political Notes

-Rick Santorum seems a somewhat likeable guy who believes several crazy, distasteful things. It may not be helpful to say his ideas are nuts, but it still is less useful to fashion him an evil man because his discriminatory views don't jive with the left, centre, or centre-right in America.

-Calling a person a 'front runner' before votes are counted is just plain wrong.  Calling one a front-runner after some votes are counted is slightly misleading.  The race isn't about who the media thinks is ahead, and it is only indirectly about who gets the most votes.  What really matters is accruing the most delegates.  In the race for a major party's nomination for POTUS, the guy with the most delegates-who-will-actually-vote-for-him-at-their-national-convention is ahead. If no delegates have been awarded, there isn't really a front-runner, no matter what polls might say.

-I doubt the primary process will hurt the eventual Republican nominee for POTUS all that much.…

Pointless Ruminations on the Absurd

The world around us is in no way required to conform to our expectations, beliefs, or desires. Rather, it is all but guaranteed to disappoint us, at least once or twice a lifetime. The loftier (or more deeply felt) our ideals, the more this may be true.

When we accept this incongruity and are keenly aware of it, but cannot change our thinking, absurdity steps in. The world no longer quite makes sense. It is untethered from rational or moral concerns, adrift in a bizarre joke told by no one.
Desire for normative order is often irrational and misplaced. Placing ethical constraints on amoral matters makes no sense. Yet these appear (sometimes, seemingly) inescapable conclusions. Hence the sensation of absurdity.

We can apply these incongruous demands to anything and anyone. But this is not a universal philosophy. It is a philosophy of the self, a diagnosis.

Well now.

I think I'm going to try to revive my online writing habits, outside of Facebook.

And what have I been thinking or feeling in the interim, across the last couple years or so? Well, I'm glad you asked.

In part, this.